it's the little things.

this week hasn't been the best for me. i haven't really wanted to work out...i feel like i've been backtracking like crazy. i have a lot coming up that i have to take care of and i feel like i'm starting to fall back into old habits. which is not good. you would think with the changes i've been seeing, i'd be more prone to working out. but i haven't. i'm not sure what's going on with myself... i've just been extremely lethargic and unmotivated. this last week marks 3 months that i've been working out straight, without stopping more than 2 days. i am extremely happy and thrilled about that. i feel like what's happening now is what always eventually happens for me - i go for a while and then i quit. i'm not going to quit this time.

yesterday was a complete test of my willpower and motivation - and i completely failed lol. summerslam was on last night - and i had some friends over to watch it. we cooked things that we shouldn't have cooked - buffalo chicken dip, hot dogs wrapped in bacon... etc. it was a vegetarian's nightmare. of course there were drinks. we all had a good time - but i paid for it this morning. i felt like absolute garbage...i still feel like garbage as i'm typing this. i can't blame anyone but myself. all i want to do is sleep, and i can't. i feel absolutely despicable. i'm debating on whether i'm going to puke in an hour, or a few hours. because lord knows it's bound to happen.

the good thing is, though - is that i have started to notice tiny changes in my body. i haven't dropped the dress size i wanted to before my vacation, and i'm ok with that. shit happens. i have noticed, however, that i'm starting to gain definition in my arms, shoulders, and chest. my oprah flab isn't as prominent as it once was. (you know what i'm talking about, that fat in your tricep that hangs, and when you shake your arms it looks like you're about to fly away? yeah. that.) my booty is going in. my stomach (which is the most abhorred part of my body) has started to go in a little. my breasts have shrunk (i'm the least thrilled about that one). i'm also noticing that during my workouts, i'm able to go for longer periods of time without stopping. i'm jumping higher. i can go lower when i do push-ups. i'm doing more reps. the improvement is there, and i can feel it.

so after atlantic city? completely back on track. i'm going to be going through a mini-detox this week (no processed foods, lean meats, fruits and vegetables, good fats, etc.) to recover from this weekend. i'll unfortunately have to do the same thing after this weekend...but hey. i'm partying with my boys. it is what it is. after this weekend the focus is going to be put back on my music career, and losing this damn weight. i tend to shift back into my social life a little more than i should. old habits die hard.

so my tip of the day? don't beat yourself up for falling off track - just have a game plan to get things back in gear. and take pride in the little accomplishments. even if it's just "hey, i drank water all day today!", take that into account. 'cause it's the little things that are going to help you achieve that huge goal.

on the road again...

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finding motivation in unlikely (people) places.

(edit: i started this blog a week ago, and never got around to finishing it. so some of this might be a tad out of date. my baaaaad.)

okay, so i've been slackinggggg. i'm sorry.

so, this week, i was supposed to do another vlog by now, and i just haven't been able to get around to doing it. my apologies. hey - at least i've been working out. i'd rather miss my blog than miss a turbo class haha. :D

i have great news! i weighed myself a couple of days ago and i am officially at 236.4!! that is 3 lbs down from last week. i am thrilled. i didn't really do anything different, other than be a little bit more strict about monitoring my caloric intake. my lose it! app will yell at me text me when i haven't tracked any meals. so it's not hard to remember, seeing as though i am attachedtomyphone.

a lot of things happened this week that were extremely positive. i will start with the music side first, to get it out of the way.

i had conversations with three men who i've looked up to for a very long time. last thursday, i had a conversation with myke terry, the former lead singer of bury your dead. myke is in this band called the silent age (you can check them here), and he's currently touring. i don't know the ins and outs of what happened with BYD (frankly, it's none of my fucking business), but i do know that it was exceptionally hard for myke to get back on his feet. myke and i are from the same hometown. i've seen him in his old band cassius, and i've seen him with bury your dead. we know each other through passing...we were never actually close (the closest i've ever felt to him is when he came to my apartment and raided all my alc that i was trying to get rid of the *first* go-around with this whole fitness thing lmao), but i've always admired his strength and vitality. and for someone like myke to get knocked down just to get back up again, makes me believe that this is entirely within my reach.

so on thursday, i texted myke to let him know how much of an inspiration he was to me. myke was extremely flattered and let me know that no matter what, i need to keep going. even if i'm trying to talk myself out of it, even if there are others who are telling me that i can't do it - KEEP GOOOIIIIIING (his actual words haha). one thing that really set in with me was when he pointed out that i had a great voice, and that the world needs to hear me and my story. it really meant a lot coming from someone like myke...and it's only pushing me to go harder.

i also spoke to justin and tito from saint diablo. went to go see them at a show in camp hill - they killed it. for those of you who don't know who saint diablo is, they're a local prog metal band from richmond/fredericksburg...do yourself a favor and check them out. thank me later. they've been around for a long time, and they've been a huge inspiration to me. tito (the lead singer) in particular... he's been through the whole weight loss thing and succeeded (he lost 64 lbs! go tito!!). tito and i had a very long conversation about music, family, and health. i won't go into the personal shit, but i will say that tito and i are very much alike when it comes to the fitness struggle. i always thought tito was the most confident dude in the world...and you never know what people go through.

so...enough with the music shit. i have practice today, and that's going well. i'll keep you updated.

last week, i began a turbofire/insanity hybrid. because clearly, i want to die. you know insanity, right? with fabulous *snap* shaun t? yeah. my body aches now just thinking about it.

i did my fit test last monday, and let me tell you...it was a huge wake-up call. i feel like i've been doing okay witj turbo...i felt myself getting stronger, i can feel my body changing, i'm able to do more....haaaaaa. well. i was sorely mistaken. my fit test was an epic fail.
there's video. i'll post it the beginning of next week. what a huge fucking gut check. my kicks were horrible, i felt like there were bricks in my calves every time i jumped... it was almost like my body said "giiiirl, what the hell is this shit?! sit yo fat ass down and eat a burger!"

ever since then i've done 3 insanity workouts. i have never had so much sweat on my body at one time. my shirt always ends up soaked. and i'm haunted by shaun t's voice yelling at me to push. but when it's over...(and it ends really quickly)...it's over. and i feel more accomplished than i've ever felt.

so the plan is to do turbofire in the morning, and insanity when i get home from work. 4 days a week (i rest on wednesdays), and the weekends i do one workout a day. ahhhhhh.

my tip of the day? share your story and your journey with others. let's face it, you didn't gain the weight on your own (remember those drinking binges with your friends and the constant sheetz runs?), and you're not gonna lose it by yourself. seek help and motivation - not only from yourself, but from the ones who want to see you succeed.

i'll have more about traveling and staying on track in a couple of days (i promise).

a friendly workout never hurt anyone...

this week has been really crazy for me. i apologize for not updating earlier.

so far...i've received great feedback from everyone regarding this blog. i have to say... i never thought i'd be at a point where i'd be the one inspiring others. for me, it's never been about that. i just thought that others would be able to relate to my story...but the fact that others have told me that they've begun to workout because of my blog, or that they've changed their diet...that's so wild to me. so thanks so much for tuning in. if i can help one person change their life, i feel like i've done my job.

shoutout to olivia, taren, mary and jared... love y'all.

anyway, back to business. i had another revelation this week. working out is so much more interesting when you have someone else working out with you. my friend allison, who is best friends with mike from sadie lex machine, came over on sunday to workout with myself and my wife. god, i wish i took pictures. allison, as much as i love her, is not the most coordinated person in the world. (and she will admit this to everyone, so don't ya'll try and say i'm talking 'bout my friend behind her back. shady so-and-sos) it was...well, somewhat entertaining, but fulfilling at the same time... having to stop and teach her the movements. we did the fire 55 ez class together. it was interesting, because i found myself becoming the turbo tutor, if you will. allison hasn't taken any type of cardio class in a while, and she was a complete novice. last weekend, she did the core 20 and stretch 40 class with me, which was interesting within itself. but a fire course? sheesh.

 it was almost like allison served as the physical embodiment of myself when i first started. after i showed her the movements, we would go through it - and every time i caught her yelling at chalene ("you're not tired!" "yes i am!" - "chalene, you're a bitch!"), i would tell her no. i said, "change your attitude. you CAN do this." "no, you're not tired." it was like i was talking to myself in a past life. teaching someone who is just starting out when you've been working out for a couple of months puts a new perspective on things. you suddenly realize how far you've come.

 needless to say, alli was suffering afterwards, but overall she did a great job. i haven't really worked out with friends much until recently. fat people usually go through this phase where they're embarrassed to sweat around anyone; i am no exception to the rule. i eventually got over my self-conscious habit and started inviting people to work out with me. i'm so glad i did. allison was great, and it's awesome to know that you have so much support that people are willing to go through the ringer with you.

so my tip of the day? invite your friends. make it a party. do something where you know everyone's gonna get their sweat on, but have a blast at the same time. you may surprise yourself and end up being their fitness instructor there for a second.

on a completely unrelated note: practice is slowly coming together. i am working with three of philly's best musicians - and i couldn't be happier. we finished writing a new song in two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS. who the fuck does that? oh wait - we do. ;) i'm so excited. i have another writing session sometime this weekend. hopefully another song will be done, and i'll be that much closer to playing shows. i. can. not. wait.

another vlog will probably come later on this weekend. until next time... <3

inspiration, part 2. (grudges)

happy 13th! (do i just post on holidays now?)

burpies are the devil.

turbo report
friday, july 6th
week 6
workout today: fire 55 ez
weight loss to date: n/a

all throughout this program, i've been doing my best to improve and push myself. it's been the most challenging program i've ever done. and i mean, i've tried everything - from zumba, to hip hop abs, to dancing...hell, i've even tried a richard simmons workout (and got a glimpse of enough spandex to last a lifetime). and ever since i started doing turbo, i've noticed some improvements. for the first month, alee was my best friend (for those not hip to the turbofire cast - alee baytan [nee' vicencio] is the low impact girl, i.e. if you're a fatass beginner like i was, watch her). i couldn't jump worth shit, skis were NOT happening - and hell, don't even LOOK at me when double bobs are going on. eff that.

as the month progressed, however... i noticed that some of the moves were starting to get easier. i didn't feel as much pain when doing skis, i actuall started jumping during some of the high/low sequences...etc. but the one move that is still defeating me is the...


dun dun dunnnnnnn!!!!

...dreaded burpie.

burpies usually occur during a fire drill. a "fire drill" is when chalene (the turbo trainer) takes you on a 70-second ride through hell ie. pushes you to the max that you can go. you go H.A.M for about a minute, then you recover (aka pass out and die) a minute after. chalene has a way of sugarcoating shit. she likes to refer to the burpie as a "squat leap". i can hear her voice as i type this. it's almost like she's giving you an ice cream cone before you leap to sudden death. i'll demonstrate...

this is how a burpie should look.

 

this is what it usually ends up like...

fail.

so my tip of the day is: practice makes perfect. i find that if there's something i'm having difficulty with in my workout i take the time to practice it when i'm not working out...so when that siren hits, i'm not surprised.

the mastering of the burpie will come. but for now...i'll just have to keep falling on my ass until i get it right.

so i should probably introduce myself...

happy 4th! how you doin'?