it's the little things.

this week hasn't been the best for me. i haven't really wanted to work out...i feel like i've been backtracking like crazy. i have a lot coming up that i have to take care of and i feel like i'm starting to fall back into old habits. which is not good. you would think with the changes i've been seeing, i'd be more prone to working out. but i haven't. i'm not sure what's going on with myself... i've just been extremely lethargic and unmotivated. this last week marks 3 months that i've been working out straight, without stopping more than 2 days. i am extremely happy and thrilled about that. i feel like what's happening now is what always eventually happens for me - i go for a while and then i quit. i'm not going to quit this time.

yesterday was a complete test of my willpower and motivation - and i completely failed lol. summerslam was on last night - and i had some friends over to watch it. we cooked things that we shouldn't have cooked - buffalo chicken dip, hot dogs wrapped in bacon... etc. it was a vegetarian's nightmare. of course there were drinks. we all had a good time - but i paid for it this morning. i felt like absolute garbage...i still feel like garbage as i'm typing this. i can't blame anyone but myself. all i want to do is sleep, and i can't. i feel absolutely despicable. i'm debating on whether i'm going to puke in an hour, or a few hours. because lord knows it's bound to happen.

the good thing is, though - is that i have started to notice tiny changes in my body. i haven't dropped the dress size i wanted to before my vacation, and i'm ok with that. shit happens. i have noticed, however, that i'm starting to gain definition in my arms, shoulders, and chest. my oprah flab isn't as prominent as it once was. (you know what i'm talking about, that fat in your tricep that hangs, and when you shake your arms it looks like you're about to fly away? yeah. that.) my booty is going in. my stomach (which is the most abhorred part of my body) has started to go in a little. my breasts have shrunk (i'm the least thrilled about that one). i'm also noticing that during my workouts, i'm able to go for longer periods of time without stopping. i'm jumping higher. i can go lower when i do push-ups. i'm doing more reps. the improvement is there, and i can feel it.

so after atlantic city? completely back on track. i'm going to be going through a mini-detox this week (no processed foods, lean meats, fruits and vegetables, good fats, etc.) to recover from this weekend. i'll unfortunately have to do the same thing after this weekend...but hey. i'm partying with my boys. it is what it is. after this weekend the focus is going to be put back on my music career, and losing this damn weight. i tend to shift back into my social life a little more than i should. old habits die hard.

so my tip of the day? don't beat yourself up for falling off track - just have a game plan to get things back in gear. and take pride in the little accomplishments. even if it's just "hey, i drank water all day today!", take that into account. 'cause it's the little things that are going to help you achieve that huge goal.

inspiration, part 2. (grudges)

happy 13th! (do i just post on holidays now?)

inspiration.

what inspires you? what drives you to be the best "you" that you can be? what are your goals throughout your process, and how do you ID them?

i see a lot of inspirational and motivational messages every day through facebook, twitter, on TV, etc. and they all seem to stir up the same questions and answers. for me - i have several goals in mind to become a better person. but recently, i've found that if i focus on all of my goals at on e - it gets seriously overwhelming.

my wife christine showed me a facebook post from a beachbody coach who lost over 100 lbs doing a p90x/insanity hybrid. he said that you can't just go in and go through the motions. his name is kevin gauthier - and he said something that really stuck with me. he said you never start seeing results until you give it your all. if you were training for the fight of your life...if you were fighting for your friends, for your family - how hard would you push? how much longer would you go? how much intensity would you use? it's that mentality that gets results.

for some people, it may not be that serious. but for me - i know if i DON'T have that mentality, i end up dogging the shit out of my workout. and it makes me feel like ass afterward. and i may not notice killer results yet - but i do notice that some movements are becoming easier, especially when i push super hard.

i also have another inspiring tip - so there's this dress that i bought. it's a size 12. if you've seen pics of me, you know i'm a loooooooong way away from a 12 lmao. i first tried on this dress for my friend's senior dinner dance. i ended up not buying it and went for a red dress - which i regret now. so i check the torrid site again - and what do you know...the dress is on clearance!!!.....and 12's are the only sizes left. awesome. *eye roll*

so i said fuck it - and bought the dress anyway. the dress now hangs on my wall next to my vision board - and when i'm working out, i look at it. the entire time.

the goal is to be able to fit into the dress for new year's eve. so i have what - 5 months? two sizes? i got this shit.

so my tip of the day? keep your goals and what inspires you with you when you're working out, when you're eating, when you're forcing that huge ass bottle of water down, whatever. i guarantee that shit will push you.

i'll let y'all see the dress tomorrow when i do my vlog. good night.