i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.....

insanity, day 1.


yeah, i know. i know what you're thinking. "meredith, where the HELL have you been?"

ugh. i thought i was doing so well with this blogging shit. i really did. so here's what happened in a nutshell:

throughout this workout/lifestyle change process, within the past couple of months i've grown tired. emotionally, physically, mentally drained and exhausted. it was showing in my performance - i was taking more breaks, i was having more cheat days, i started drinking again...etc. etc. etc. and my body was showing it. i just wasn't doing as much as i did 2 months ago. i stopped really caring. and no amount of compliments could pull me out of the funk i was in.

so i decided to take a week off of turbofire. i still ate properly, but i didn't work out. it was glorious. the only down side to it was that working out is a stress-reliever for me - so i found it more difficult to take on challenges at work and on the music front. i was angrier, especially when aunt flo decided to come visit and c-block me. if you know me, you know i anger easily. little shit was pissing me off. it was weird.

so - since i wasn't working out, i decided to take a little road trip. after practice, i got in my car one night and drove. i drove all niiiiiight, (and some of the morning) until i reached raleigh, nc. i drove down there to see my friend jeremy in this awesome play called "the brothers size". had a great time, got to see him and my friend jen floyd, then drove to bedford, va the next day to see my grandparents. in total - i drove 17 hours in three days. fuck. if i didn't think i was tired before, i was most certainly pooped then.

when i was with my grandparents, a couple of things hit me.

#1 - my grandfather, who raised me as his own and was the only father figure i had for years, is very, very, very sick. he has COPD and a number of other breathing issues. he's gained weight. his mobility is very limited. it was as if superman finally let the kryptonite catch up to him. it's hard to see him that way. i've looked up to my grandfather all of my life, and i've always known him to be the glue that holds our family together. such a strong man. and i got to witness him at his weakest. it didn't feel right.

#2 - i am so blessed to be able to have all of my - well, everything...to be able to work out and be mobile and do the things i need to do. i think of people like my grandfather - who were mobile at one point (my grandfather played all the sports you could think of coming up - basketball, football, etc. etc.), who are now sedentary and can't move even if they tried. i think of people who could be mobile if they wanted - but who choose to sit on their ass all day and stuff cheetos into their face. that's not living. i used to be that person...and i'm realizing very slowly that i'm not that lazy sonofabitch anymore. i have way too much shit going on to sit in front of my television and give up on my life.

so - i got my ass up that sunday morning and i did turbofire. fire 55 ez (ya know, gotta ease myself back into it). i used the TV in the living room, where my grandfather usually sits. it was the most amazing thing...he just sat there and made little funny comments like he always does (if you've had the pleasure of meeting my granddad, you know he is a ham. peanut gallery at its finest).

"they don't need to work out! they skinny enough!"
"well, grandpa - they work out so they can continue to look like that. they can't be sittin' around eating burgers all day."
"what they eat? more like spinach burgers. uh, uh.... cabbage burgers. what chu call those things? yeah, cabbage burgers."

and as my grandfather was sitting there watching my workout, taking his 1st of 2 breathing treatments for the day...he started working out with me! he was throwing punches and clapping when chalene would clap. i said, "grandpa - clap with me!" and he clapped. granted, his punches were weak - and he only clapped about 4 or 5 times before he was done, but he did it. it was the best thing ever seeing my grandpa do that. even at his weakest, he was still trying. and he would laugh. that familiar laugh i would always hear growing up.

it made me feel like i could do this again. i was so close to calling it quits. so tired of my body being sore - not being able to eat what i wanted...so tired of not seeing results.  all i want to do is make myself proud. make my grandpa proud.


...so during all this inspirational shit - my mom was sick the entire time i was down. and guess what i bring back from virginia? A SINUS INFECTION.

one more week out. had to leave work early. absolutely miserable and bedridden. had coworkers avoiding me like the plague. shit.


so all in all, i'm pissed. i have to start all over again. my tummy's starting to bulge again, my oprah flab is returning ("who wants a new CAAAAAARRRRRR?!?! *waves tricep fat*"), i've lost the definition in my arms and legs, i feel sluggish and bloated. yuck.

i have decided to drop turbofire for a while (you know i love you chalene, you my girl and all...but yo ass is sittin' on the sidelines.) so i have found a new lover - shaun t.

"yes, honey! shaun t is gonna get you in the best shape-uh yo life, guhh! *snap snap*" 

mhm, honey chil'. i have officially started insanity. 

took my fit test yesterday, and it was shit. so much shit, that i went into the bedroom and cut all the lights off and cried for a good two hours. i felt like a beached whale during my switch kicks. i couldn't do one push-up jack or one burpee - and i worked on my upper body SO MUCH these past few months. i had a really bad temper tantrum. then came out when chris was in the shower and ate a spoonful of nutella and drank some almond milk. it was that serious. i was depressed and discouraged, but i had to keep reminding myself that i'm starting over again, and it's gonna be rough the first week back.

today was plyometric cardio circuit, which, to beachbody enthusiasts, is the DVD from hell. (that's not official. i'm just assuming since it sucked/hurt so bad, that others must hate it as much as i do.) my body was sluggish and heavy and tired from not working out for two weeks. but i did it. and now my quads hate me. having to sit on the toilet was like dipping my thighs in acid. i forgot what it's like to be this sore. i'm now slowly remembering how much i hate it. lol

so my goal is to really track this shit, and track it right. i have a blogger app on my phone for a reason. even if no one else is reading this, it will be good for myself to keep track. 

insanity, day 2 tomorrow morning. cardio power and resistance. let's do this shit. 

it's the little things.

this week hasn't been the best for me. i haven't really wanted to work out...i feel like i've been backtracking like crazy. i have a lot coming up that i have to take care of and i feel like i'm starting to fall back into old habits. which is not good. you would think with the changes i've been seeing, i'd be more prone to working out. but i haven't. i'm not sure what's going on with myself... i've just been extremely lethargic and unmotivated. this last week marks 3 months that i've been working out straight, without stopping more than 2 days. i am extremely happy and thrilled about that. i feel like what's happening now is what always eventually happens for me - i go for a while and then i quit. i'm not going to quit this time.

yesterday was a complete test of my willpower and motivation - and i completely failed lol. summerslam was on last night - and i had some friends over to watch it. we cooked things that we shouldn't have cooked - buffalo chicken dip, hot dogs wrapped in bacon... etc. it was a vegetarian's nightmare. of course there were drinks. we all had a good time - but i paid for it this morning. i felt like absolute garbage...i still feel like garbage as i'm typing this. i can't blame anyone but myself. all i want to do is sleep, and i can't. i feel absolutely despicable. i'm debating on whether i'm going to puke in an hour, or a few hours. because lord knows it's bound to happen.

the good thing is, though - is that i have started to notice tiny changes in my body. i haven't dropped the dress size i wanted to before my vacation, and i'm ok with that. shit happens. i have noticed, however, that i'm starting to gain definition in my arms, shoulders, and chest. my oprah flab isn't as prominent as it once was. (you know what i'm talking about, that fat in your tricep that hangs, and when you shake your arms it looks like you're about to fly away? yeah. that.) my booty is going in. my stomach (which is the most abhorred part of my body) has started to go in a little. my breasts have shrunk (i'm the least thrilled about that one). i'm also noticing that during my workouts, i'm able to go for longer periods of time without stopping. i'm jumping higher. i can go lower when i do push-ups. i'm doing more reps. the improvement is there, and i can feel it.

so after atlantic city? completely back on track. i'm going to be going through a mini-detox this week (no processed foods, lean meats, fruits and vegetables, good fats, etc.) to recover from this weekend. i'll unfortunately have to do the same thing after this weekend...but hey. i'm partying with my boys. it is what it is. after this weekend the focus is going to be put back on my music career, and losing this damn weight. i tend to shift back into my social life a little more than i should. old habits die hard.

so my tip of the day? don't beat yourself up for falling off track - just have a game plan to get things back in gear. and take pride in the little accomplishments. even if it's just "hey, i drank water all day today!", take that into account. 'cause it's the little things that are going to help you achieve that huge goal.

a friendly workout never hurt anyone...

this week has been really crazy for me. i apologize for not updating earlier.

so far...i've received great feedback from everyone regarding this blog. i have to say... i never thought i'd be at a point where i'd be the one inspiring others. for me, it's never been about that. i just thought that others would be able to relate to my story...but the fact that others have told me that they've begun to workout because of my blog, or that they've changed their diet...that's so wild to me. so thanks so much for tuning in. if i can help one person change their life, i feel like i've done my job.

shoutout to olivia, taren, mary and jared... love y'all.

anyway, back to business. i had another revelation this week. working out is so much more interesting when you have someone else working out with you. my friend allison, who is best friends with mike from sadie lex machine, came over on sunday to workout with myself and my wife. god, i wish i took pictures. allison, as much as i love her, is not the most coordinated person in the world. (and she will admit this to everyone, so don't ya'll try and say i'm talking 'bout my friend behind her back. shady so-and-sos) it was...well, somewhat entertaining, but fulfilling at the same time... having to stop and teach her the movements. we did the fire 55 ez class together. it was interesting, because i found myself becoming the turbo tutor, if you will. allison hasn't taken any type of cardio class in a while, and she was a complete novice. last weekend, she did the core 20 and stretch 40 class with me, which was interesting within itself. but a fire course? sheesh.

 it was almost like allison served as the physical embodiment of myself when i first started. after i showed her the movements, we would go through it - and every time i caught her yelling at chalene ("you're not tired!" "yes i am!" - "chalene, you're a bitch!"), i would tell her no. i said, "change your attitude. you CAN do this." "no, you're not tired." it was like i was talking to myself in a past life. teaching someone who is just starting out when you've been working out for a couple of months puts a new perspective on things. you suddenly realize how far you've come.

 needless to say, alli was suffering afterwards, but overall she did a great job. i haven't really worked out with friends much until recently. fat people usually go through this phase where they're embarrassed to sweat around anyone; i am no exception to the rule. i eventually got over my self-conscious habit and started inviting people to work out with me. i'm so glad i did. allison was great, and it's awesome to know that you have so much support that people are willing to go through the ringer with you.

so my tip of the day? invite your friends. make it a party. do something where you know everyone's gonna get their sweat on, but have a blast at the same time. you may surprise yourself and end up being their fitness instructor there for a second.

on a completely unrelated note: practice is slowly coming together. i am working with three of philly's best musicians - and i couldn't be happier. we finished writing a new song in two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS. who the fuck does that? oh wait - we do. ;) i'm so excited. i have another writing session sometime this weekend. hopefully another song will be done, and i'll be that much closer to playing shows. i. can. not. wait.

another vlog will probably come later on this weekend. until next time... <3

inspiration, part 2. (grudges)

happy 13th! (do i just post on holidays now?)

inspiration.

what inspires you? what drives you to be the best "you" that you can be? what are your goals throughout your process, and how do you ID them?

i see a lot of inspirational and motivational messages every day through facebook, twitter, on TV, etc. and they all seem to stir up the same questions and answers. for me - i have several goals in mind to become a better person. but recently, i've found that if i focus on all of my goals at on e - it gets seriously overwhelming.

my wife christine showed me a facebook post from a beachbody coach who lost over 100 lbs doing a p90x/insanity hybrid. he said that you can't just go in and go through the motions. his name is kevin gauthier - and he said something that really stuck with me. he said you never start seeing results until you give it your all. if you were training for the fight of your life...if you were fighting for your friends, for your family - how hard would you push? how much longer would you go? how much intensity would you use? it's that mentality that gets results.

for some people, it may not be that serious. but for me - i know if i DON'T have that mentality, i end up dogging the shit out of my workout. and it makes me feel like ass afterward. and i may not notice killer results yet - but i do notice that some movements are becoming easier, especially when i push super hard.

i also have another inspiring tip - so there's this dress that i bought. it's a size 12. if you've seen pics of me, you know i'm a loooooooong way away from a 12 lmao. i first tried on this dress for my friend's senior dinner dance. i ended up not buying it and went for a red dress - which i regret now. so i check the torrid site again - and what do you know...the dress is on clearance!!!.....and 12's are the only sizes left. awesome. *eye roll*

so i said fuck it - and bought the dress anyway. the dress now hangs on my wall next to my vision board - and when i'm working out, i look at it. the entire time.

the goal is to be able to fit into the dress for new year's eve. so i have what - 5 months? two sizes? i got this shit.

so my tip of the day? keep your goals and what inspires you with you when you're working out, when you're eating, when you're forcing that huge ass bottle of water down, whatever. i guarantee that shit will push you.

i'll let y'all see the dress tomorrow when i do my vlog. good night.